A new take on two old stories

The man whispered, "God, speak to me if you're there. I dare you."
Just then a garbage truck came down the street sounding like a lion.
And a meadowlark sang. A cat off to the side of the street came up
to the man, rubbed his leg, purring loudly. But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled at the God he didn't believe in, "God, speak to me
if you can." And the fog rolled in. Then the thunder and the
lightning came rolling across the sky. But the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, "God, let me see you." And a star
shined brightly. But the man did not see the God he didn't believe
in. And the man shouted, "God, if you are there, show me a miracle."
And his first child was born. But the man did not notice. So the man
cried out in despair, "Touch me, God, and let me know you are here."
Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But the man brushed
the butterfly away and walked on. He went home to his home and fell
asleep in his bed. In the morning, flood waters had filled his home
with water. He woke up in a panic, climbed to the roof, and waited
for someone to rescue him. The water kept rising.He was really in
danger of drowning. A boat came by. "Come on in the boat," said the
couple said, "No thanks. I'm sure the water will subside soon."
They left. And the water kept rising. By noon, the water had risen
to his waist. Suddenly, the man saw a different boat with a man
in it coming close to his home. The man spoke, "Hop in, buddy,"
he said. "No thank you, I'll just wait," the man said. So he
drowned. When he got to heaven, he saw the Lord face to face.
So he confronted him, "Why did you let me drown if you're so
all-powerful? I thought you were supposed to be this loving being?"
God said, I sent you two boats, a butterfly, a child, a stars,
thunder, lightning, fog, a cat, a meadowlark, a lifetime of food,
an education, friends I gave to you to support you with my love,
oxygen, 66 books, doctors, guitars, music, health, a reproductive
system that worked in conjunction with a brain, a digestive system,
lungs, liver, kidneys, gall bladder, eyelashes, tear ducts,
intestines, fingernails, gravity, hair, teeth to chew with,
sweat glands, prophets from Moses to Jesus,homes, cars, a bright
mind, emotions, the Beatles, color, sounds, pictures of a few of
my galaxies, chocolate, sex....Man! What more could I give you?
What more could I send you?